Holy cow I've forgotten this blog.

Well, good news is the funk that I posted about last is long gone. I've found myself a fiancée(!), gotten an awesome job, and will finally finish college in another year.

Wow, reading that, I was really depressed...O_o

what am I afraid of?

I must admit something. I have been terrified at what I have been doing recently. I've been skipping far more class then is normal for me, I don't leave my room, I don't go to work, and I remain reclusive even towards my roommates.

Why do I fear reestablishing contact with certain people? There's a girl I should have asked out weeks ago. I'm still procrastinating. I haven't gone to work in a month. I'm afraid to talk to my boss about it. Why do I fear so much? What do I have to lose? my job? I'll just get a new one. The girl? at the most we'll just remain friends.

Speaking of which, I must explain more about this girl. This is the first time I've been truly interested in a girl that I was previously friends with. This isn't like other times where I saw them, and interacted with them a bit, and decided to attempt to date them. This one became friends with me before I knew it, but I didn't think about dating her for the longest time. Now, that time is upon me, and I can only do nothing?

I need to restart my life. I must stop ignoring my responsibilities, and start doing the things I came to Loma to do. Dammit, I need to stop procrastinating. I need to get out of my room, and start living my life. None of this bullshit I've been trying to pull by completely withdrawing. However, I need help to do this. I don't know why, but this one area in my life I am weak. It always takes a push to really get me along the road. There isn't anybody to push me this time, and that's probably why this has gotten so bad. God, if you're there, you're the only one left I can rely on. I need your help overcome my weaknesses so that I can overcome them, and be a beacon for you. By wallowing in the pit I have dug myself, I get nowhere, and I don't have the willpower to drag myself out of it. But in the end, I know I must drag myself out of it, because I don't do it, whats the point? How can I become stronger if I always rely on others to keep me up?

As of right now, I form the resolve to get myself out of the pit. But this resolve will only stay as long as you're with me, Lord. For I am a coward, and will flee at the first sign of trouble. When trouble stares me in the face, I run. For others, I am a vanguard of courage, but for myself, I am pathetic. Why can't I help myself like I help others?

This cannot continue. I will do the right thing.

Well, I did something totally on accident today...reloaded Microsoft outlook to my desktop KREME, and then added my gmail account to outlook....which automatically sticks it into my school mail account

from now on, I only have to check one email account...well, as long as I keep outlook open on my desktop. oh well.

oh, and homework sucks...specially busy work. (working between machine and assembly sucks!!)

Yay! new blog!

bout time I got another blog up huh? Lesse what I can do with this.

I seem to be relying on Google a tad too much aren't I?